Having heard other people blow their nose before in my life, like everyone has, I know how it sounds. This is good because if I had no idea what blowing your nose sounded like from someone else's perspective, I'd be embarrassed to do it in front of people, just as embarrassed as Japanese women are of peeing in public stalls.

Jingle-all-the-way

Today I noticed myself with the Kit-Kat commercial in my head. As I was humming the tune in my head, "Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!", I realized that that commercial doesn't even exist anymore. And it hasn't existed for about 10 years, probably, by now. When this realization happened, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. For sure it shows how truly dated I'm becoming? More and more people in this country are not old enough to remember that commercial airing, and that song getting stuck in your head; let alone years later it still getting stuck in your head. The other thing that I realized, is that it doesn't even seem that commercial jingles in general even exist anymore. It seems that most commercials, if they have sound, it is without words or lyrics. And instead of a jingle, it seems most advertisers would rather use popular music as an audio background. My opinion is that advertisers are missing the mark. I never hear a pop song and specifically group it to an ad. I might think a particular song is in somekind of commercial, but I never entirely place it. Whereas, I could probably recite to you any product that has a musical tagline or jingle. Where have all the jingles gone? Are there no more talented jingle writers anymore? Is it an embarrassing profession to have? Honestly, its probably better the way that it is; as I have less headaches the fewer number of jingles that exist and can get stuck in my head, but I still appreciate their value.

Call me in a year...

Sooo I have the tendency sometimes to be kind of elitist.... But in my defense, I think once you've lived in new york city for a while, it just happens to you. I think I remember reading somewhere (probably in some kind of elitist nyc publication), about how its great when people you know from outside of nyc come to live here, but you don't actually want to hang out with them until a year after they've lived here. Now, as much as I wish I would have written that article myself, because it expresses all sentiments I have about people coming to nyc...isn't it just a little bit, well, closed-minded....mean?

I think yes, and no. I think its mean, partly because its kind of unreasonable. For instance, my "friend" who lives in Chicago now, and is moving to new york. I can't honestly tell her, "That's great, you'll have so much fun here! But, you know, I'm not going to hang out with you for another 12 months." You just can't say that to someone with a straight face. Even though, I kinda mean it.

I think back to when I first moved to new york. I think about the person that I was, the kinds of ideas and conceptions that I had about this great city. I think about the fact that I really had no idea what it was all about. And I think I liked it for the wrong reasons. There's no way that the me now would be friends with the me 6 years ago. And it has much less to do with the fact that I'm not friends with any 17 year olds.

The reason, is that this city really changes you. When you first get here, its totally exciting...you have no idea what will happen next; this city is full of surprises. But that's because you don't know the city yet. Just because you may know how to use the subway system (and come on, who doesn't know how to navigate this city..its on a grid for crissake!), it doesn't mean that you know the city. Its like a relationship with anything else, the longer that you are with it, the more intimate relationship you have with it. Like your new boyfriend or girlfriend...you may know that they like seafood, and going to concerts, and what kind of artists they like. But only when you've been with someone, for at least a year, I'll say, do you really start to get to know them..who they are. You learn their tendencies, the way they react in emergency situations, their idiosyncratic mannerisms that only you could like. Only after you've lived in nyc for a while do you start to know where things are, you'll start being able to recommend to other people great places you've been to...where the best of something is, things that you could only possibly know after you've walked each and every street at least 10 times.

Now, you could say that this is the same for many other things...especially other cities. But, you're probably saying that because you don't live here.

I think that most new yorkers would agree with me that there's something specific about living in new york for a while...it changes your outlook on life, you see things in different ways, horizons broaden, and you feel more cultured and sophisticated. Once you've been here for a while, the weathered, old, wise, person that you've become, you don't really want to hang out with a dim-witted high-schooler (thats somehow the only comparison I can come up with). And my major thing, is that its not my responsibility to show new york city to you! As ultimately, I cannot make you a new yorker overnight. I do wish my friend good luck though, on her year-long journey, and she should of course, call me in a year...

What's a good thing?

All good things must come to an end. I looked it up, and apparently that saying dates back to Chaucer. Its one of those sayings that always depresses me when I think about it being true. Because I have a tendency to think sayings like that are true.

I was trying to cheer up a friend of mine--she had just broken up with her boyfriend--and I started to try and console her. First, with the very generic things you seem to say to others when bad things happen to them, ie. change is good, when a door closes a window opens, have a good attitude with these things and roll with the punches, there are many more fishes in the sea. As I was trying to tell her that its also okay to be sad, and that letting yourself have those feelings is good for you, I noticed myself start to be more, well, self aware of what I was doing. I was being a friend-cliche. Not even really thinking that much about what I was saying, just trying to get through these awkward moments of, knowing, that there is absolutely nothing, I mean NOTHING, that I can say that will really help her. But for some reason when people are in those situations, they just can't help it. Bottom line is that she has certain feelings, and she will feel those feelings no matter what anyone tells her to feel. That's just how every human is. You really do have to get through things on your own in most ways concerning feelings, especially sadness. That being said, and me realizing that truth. It did not stop me from trying to work out things, even in my own head.

What I came up with, was that things wouldn't be the same if they never ended. When you're sad because of a break-up, its much because of the experience that you miss. You never miss the things that went bad, or were bad in a relationship, and you only think about the good times. But what were those good times, really? They were experiences that you had. Maybe you always used to go to this one restaurant, and were regulars. Or you and another couple would hang out a lot and have such good times. Or you would go on vacation to your special place. Those are the things that you miss. And its not so much about the people, or even the places that you miss. Its the experiences, and you're sour about the fact that you can't have them anymore.

lmao

Jeff: word!

i need a nap

i ate way too much sushi and am slowed down.

me: yea

i'm sick of eating

i hate having to figure out what it is i am going to eat every effing night

every couple hours i should say
Jeff: me too!

and then i buy stuff and i don't feel like it right then so it goes bad.

what a waste!

me: its such a waste

i wish i could take a pill and not be hungry anymore

or like cats and dogs

can't they make human food?
Jeff: hahahaha

me: i'll just buy a can of it and eat that every meal?

Jeff: i know i'd put murder to work

oh oops.

i thoguht you meant cats and dogs make the food.

me: hahaha that too!

Jeff: you could always just eat dies pills.

diet
me: its not the same

i want to open a can of something and have it look nasty, but taste so good

and be organic and good for me

Jeff: oh yeah, that like chef boyardee.

ah yes.

me: yea

Jeff: i'm sure wholefoods has something that comes in a can.
me: i don't want to think about if im getting enough green vegetables and shit

Jeff: i never really think about that.

i just eat what my body says it wants.

like candy.

mmmm.

me: haha yea, i love fruit snacks

Jeff: me too!

me: i want a can of fruit snacks
Jeff: lmao


I have to say, no matter how many times I see the acronym lmao, I never in my head read it as that. I always see it as "Imao", in my head its being pronounced ee-mao, by some Japanese sous chef at a sushi restaurant.

Like a shark.

It feels like I never actually move into an apartment. I'm never settled. Things never fit exactly the way that I want them to. Why? Is it New York's fault? I'm thinking, perhaps, because of the god-awful and obvious reality of New York City real-estate, one can never find an apartment that is actually big enough for them. There are clearly ways to look at things in a positive way, like everyone who lives in some tiny, shitty apartment in NYC learns how to be creative with their furniture. Everything has two functions: the bed that is a couch and vice/versa, a dresser that doubles as a desk, the very classic oven-as-storage space, etc. But for the most part, having a tiny, shitty apartment, sucks. Things never fit the way they are supposed to, you can never have everything you actually want, you must constantly be making sacrifices.

For the designer that wants to constantly be making collections, for visual reference, or just because of the natural way designers have a tendency to want to collect things of visual value; it makes it so impossibly hard to be happy. Also, to create anything in general, a bountiful amount of space is ideal; no wonder artists prefer lofts and warehouses! But what about the practical designer that works a nine-to-five, wants to live in spacial convenience, and still wants to create? There is definitely even more, an impossibility at happiness. Sad.

So, in order to keep sadness by the wayside, I must keep moving. Like a shark. I persistently move my belongings around my apartment, organizing in different ways, making unorthodox uses for objects around my apartment. Maybe, if I keep everything "in progress" I won't ever actually feel like the space around me is way too small.

Here's to retaining the facade of comfort.